I know they’re just clothes. But back when my son was a toddler, he would get his clothes dirty minutes after we left home.
Haven’t we already changed outfits three times today?
Will the stain come out?
Then we’d get home from an outing, and there it was, a pile of laundry I hadn’t gotten around to folding, staring at me.
It felt like a reminder that it would never end. How did I go from being an art director at Disney, juggling big projects with tight deadlines, to someone who couldn’t keep up with the laundry?
I felt embarrassed and resentful. I was also angry at myself for feeling that way.
Clothing has been one of the biggest stressors for the families I work with, too. By the time I became a home organizer, I had two kids and years of practice climbing out from under the laundry and the sense of defeat that came with it.
Along the way, I noticed three things that make it so heavy:
The Quantity: Kids’ clothes are just too darn cute. Between fast fashion, online deals, hand-me-downs, gifts, growth spurts, changing seasons, and activities that need their own outfits, some families accumulate hundreds of tiny clothes each year.
The Maintenance: Sorting, washing, folding, putting away, letting go. Each step takes time, energy, and mental space.
The Challenges: Lost jackets, missing socks, and finding the right fabric for a child who can’t stand tags or certain textures. Even when it’s just clothes, so many emotions can come up when something goes wrong.
The Dooley Method library has lessons that go into each of these in detail. Today I want to share how I began teaching my kids to take ownership of their laundry when they were 4 and 9, and three shifts that lightened the load for all of us.
They decide what stays
The first shift happened before any clothes even went into the washing machine.
I let my kids make their own decluttering decisions about their clothes. They kept the ones they actually like to wear, and those are the ones they naturally take better care of.
Having fewer clothes made the laundry less overwhelming, too. When a week’s worth fits in one load, it becomes something the kids can learn to handle on their own.
They decide how much they can handle alone.
For us, it began with them starting the washing machine and moving the clothes to the dryer with my help. Then they folded their socks and underwear while I finished the rest.
As they felt more confident, they took on a little more, and I did a little less. Over time, the balance shifted at a pace that didn’t set off any power struggles.
We troubleshoot like detectives
When things go wrong, like socks go missing or the clothes get forgotten in the washer overnight and come out smelling like a wet mop, or the one thing they really wanted to wear didn’t get washed, we try to figure out how to fix it or prevent it from happening next time.
This one took the longest for us to learn: not freaking out when something goes wrong. With enough practice, we’re able to give ourselves a moment to be frustrated, and then move on to finding a solution together.
Where we are now
My boys are now 13 and 18, and I haven’t had to remind them about laundry in almost two years. Sometimes their clean clothes sit in the basket for a few days before they get folded. If I have time, I’ll ask whether they want to fold on their own or do it together. Either way, I’m happy. It means they trust themselves to be responsible, or we get to hang out and chat while we get it done as a team.
As for my husband and me, we divide and conquer. He handles the washing and drying, and I fold, which has become a little like meditation for me.
Laundry was just where we started. What we were really practicing was sharing the work of a home without turning it into a power struggle. Along the way, it built a sense of trust and belonging.
When I think back to those days when I felt frustrated every time my son got his clothes dirty, I can see it was never about the laundry. I was carrying the work of managing our home on my own, and judging myself for not keeping up. But when each of us learned to take responsibility for ourselves while supporting one another, the resentment got washed away too.
❤️
Thank you for spending a few minutes with me today.
I hope something here makes the next load feel a little lighter.
If you'd like to walk through these shifts with your own family, the Dooley Method Library lessons are yours to keep when you upgrade to a paid subscription.