I have a real soft spot for single moms.
In all of the years of working as a home organizer, they are the ones I feel an extra weight of responsibility toward.
Not only to help them create more calm and space in their home, but to help open them up to new possibilities, and to let go of any remaining heaviness from the relationship that ended.
Today’s Before & After post highlights one of the moms who was kind enough to let me share her story.
❤️
We worked together about six years ago. A mom with so little capacity that she had what I call “house blindness.” When fight or flight has taken over, she can walk past the clutter and it doesn’t register. As if her body was protecting itself from facing the reality.
She wasn’t alone in that way.
Sometimes being frozen and unable to manage the clutter reveals what’s not working below the surface.
It’s no surprise that clutter is a big source of contention in marriages.
Perhaps growing up, one or both partners were never taught how to organize in the first place.
The visual clutter taking over a home’s surfaces becomes evidence of a partner seeing as being disrespectful, uncaring, not responsible or reliable.
Fights are common over who has done more, hasn’t done enough, or has bought too much. The piles of clothes and out of place items fill in the gap between partners.
A divorce also has a very big impact on someone’s ability to let go. As is, they’ve already let go of a part of who they were. A separation means letting go of the traditional family arrangement. Sometimes letting go of friends and family you thought were yours for life.
After all of that, letting go of physical things can feel like too much to ask, or like closing a chapter that still feels raw.
And sometimes the clutter piling up around a home becomes a kind of wall. A physical version of wanting to feel safe inside a boundary, even when what’s stacked around you isn’t serving you.
When someone is in that place, reaching out for help can feel like failure on top of a failed marriage. I'm always grateful and proud when these moms reach out anyway.
And I’ve noticed that it’s usually the wellbeing of the children that motivates them to take the step.
They don't want their kids to feel embarrassed. They want to give their children a home that feels safe, and a space they don't have to feel ashamed of.
As always when working with a parent, I start with a bedroom reset.
I treat the bedroom like a home, and we go through clothes, any books and paper in the room, and other miscellaneous and sentimental items.
We may come across the dress she wore on a date with her ex, a shirt she had on during a fight, a journal that held her deepest hopes and despair.
The decisions on what to keep are more complicated than a simple “I haven’t worn this in a long time.” Understanding why is the work.
Getting clarity and following what sparks joy is where the transformation happens.
In these sessions, I talk with my client to help her imagine what her new life can look like without clutter, and use that vision to guide her choices on what to keep or let go.
You can try this exercise too:
Picture one ordinary day like the start of a movie. You’re the main character.
You wake up. The room feels calm, no mess in sight. The sheets feel good.
You open the bedroom closet to change your clothes. Every item is neatly stored. You easily find something you like to put on.
Imagine the day at home, effortlessly reaching for the things you need, with people special to you nearby, enjoying each other’s company. Maybe you read a book with your child or bake cookies together.
After a long day, you relax in bed. There isn’t a pile of clothes on the floor or anything to distract you from sleep. You feel safe and cozy inside a home that takes care of you.
Holding on to that vision when you declutter will make it clearer what to let go of.
Transformation like this is why I do the work that I do. Knowing I can help a mom feel lighter and have more capacity to be there for her child, it's an honor to be a part of.
I’m opening 2 spots this month to help families go from "I just want to throw everything out" to feeling like your home is the place you want to be.
Together, with your kids, through play and connection, we aim to have the whole family develop the skills and habits to maintain the home as a team.
If you’re curious about how that works, reply or comment with “home” and I’ll reach out to see whether it makes sense for us to work together.
Until then, give yourself grace and remember that clutter is temporary, but connection last a life time.
Joyfully,
Ann
❤️