Handling things has felt a bit harder these past few days, and the state of the house really adds to my stress. My 11-year-old keeps cleaning up and unloading the dishwasher, asking me, "Mom, what's wrong?" And I honestly don't even know what's wrong with me... I just feel like crying without knowing the reason.
This piece really brought so much clarity and light to what I’m feeling. Thank you so much for sharing this! 🤍✨
Aww, your son being sensitive to your emotions is such a special gift. Usually, to not worry my kids or if they feel the need to help fix the problem, I explain how our tears help relief stress. And how we also cry when we feel happy too, so it’s like I feel overwhelmed. And me showing it’s ok to cry means it’s ok if they need to cry too.
Yes, my son is truly so sensitive to my emotions—it really is such a precious gift. And you are so very thoughtful, Ann. Thank you so much for your kind words and for holding space for me! 🤍🤲🏻✨
Crying is a release valve. It can make you feel better. I'm sad that you were taught not to cry but your inspiring essay will help others understand the benefits of a good cry.
Thank you, Lorraine! 🙏 I hope to be able to keep holding space for those who need to cry and show them that it’s not only okay, it will help them. Release valve is exactly right! 😭
I understand this from the other side too. I grew up with a lot of emotions that didn’t always feel safe to express, and I think it takes years to realize how much that shapes the way we respond to our own feelings — and then to our children’s.
I have two kids, and especially as they’ve gotten older, I’ve had to remind myself that their big emotions don’t always need to be stopped or solved immediately. Sometimes they just need somewhere safe to come out.
I really like your perspective that tears are communication rather than weakness. The body is often telling us something long before we’re ready to put it into words.
And thank you too for letting us into your culture and your way of seeing this. I always appreciate when a piece teaches me something personal and gives me a window into someone else’s world at the same time. ❤️
Thank you for this thoughtful reply, Teresa. I'm with you about having to remind myself when the kids have big emotions to let it come out naturally. It's not always easy, but having open communication with them means we can always talk about how a situation got handled after the intensity of the moment subsides.
Love this! As someone who is highly sensitive, I spent so long trying to avoid or stifle big emotions because I felt like they would overtake me. I've gotten a lot better at riding the wave, and it's amazing how when I just let the feelings be, and allow them to peak, I move through the emotion much more successfully. Thanks for the reminder!
I'm glad this helped to remind you to just let us pass through you. Another study showed that our emotions peak at around 90 seconds in our body. I have on multiple occasions paid attention to that, and I felt that lowering of intensity. But I used to want to stay in that spiral, like it was comforting when it lasted longer because my mind was telling me how bad I felt and my action wouldn't make sense if I just stopped feeling it intensify.
Nowadays I let myself feel it for that 90 seconds, then I get curious about what am I truly upset about, why does it bother so much, am I really mad at the person in front of me or is it something from my past. Validating and looking to understand my tears has been quite the journey.
Many children learn to suppress it. Either because they're punished for "making a scene" or maybe they get the message that's a weakness to be squashed. In my case I was afraid that if i allowed the sadness I would never get out.
But crying helps release all that energy. To express our sadness, maybe grief about how we wanted things to be. It's a way to release the old so we can free ourselves to change.
I used to think my father was strong because he never cried. Now I know that his determination to never show weakness was the weakness.
Handling things has felt a bit harder these past few days, and the state of the house really adds to my stress. My 11-year-old keeps cleaning up and unloading the dishwasher, asking me, "Mom, what's wrong?" And I honestly don't even know what's wrong with me... I just feel like crying without knowing the reason.
This piece really brought so much clarity and light to what I’m feeling. Thank you so much for sharing this! 🤍✨
Aww, your son being sensitive to your emotions is such a special gift. Usually, to not worry my kids or if they feel the need to help fix the problem, I explain how our tears help relief stress. And how we also cry when we feel happy too, so it’s like I feel overwhelmed. And me showing it’s ok to cry means it’s ok if they need to cry too.
Holding space for you 🤲🏻
Yes, my son is truly so sensitive to my emotions—it really is such a precious gift. And you are so very thoughtful, Ann. Thank you so much for your kind words and for holding space for me! 🤍🤲🏻✨
Crying is a release valve. It can make you feel better. I'm sad that you were taught not to cry but your inspiring essay will help others understand the benefits of a good cry.
Thank you, Lorraine! 🙏 I hope to be able to keep holding space for those who need to cry and show them that it’s not only okay, it will help them. Release valve is exactly right! 😭
I understand this from the other side too. I grew up with a lot of emotions that didn’t always feel safe to express, and I think it takes years to realize how much that shapes the way we respond to our own feelings — and then to our children’s.
I have two kids, and especially as they’ve gotten older, I’ve had to remind myself that their big emotions don’t always need to be stopped or solved immediately. Sometimes they just need somewhere safe to come out.
I really like your perspective that tears are communication rather than weakness. The body is often telling us something long before we’re ready to put it into words.
And thank you too for letting us into your culture and your way of seeing this. I always appreciate when a piece teaches me something personal and gives me a window into someone else’s world at the same time. ❤️
Thank you for this thoughtful reply, Teresa. I'm with you about having to remind myself when the kids have big emotions to let it come out naturally. It's not always easy, but having open communication with them means we can always talk about how a situation got handled after the intensity of the moment subsides.
Yes and they are in this phase until the pre frontal cortex is formed where they have a lot of emotions. A lot f patience and understanding are key!
So true.
Love this! As someone who is highly sensitive, I spent so long trying to avoid or stifle big emotions because I felt like they would overtake me. I've gotten a lot better at riding the wave, and it's amazing how when I just let the feelings be, and allow them to peak, I move through the emotion much more successfully. Thanks for the reminder!
I'm glad this helped to remind you to just let us pass through you. Another study showed that our emotions peak at around 90 seconds in our body. I have on multiple occasions paid attention to that, and I felt that lowering of intensity. But I used to want to stay in that spiral, like it was comforting when it lasted longer because my mind was telling me how bad I felt and my action wouldn't make sense if I just stopped feeling it intensify.
Nowadays I let myself feel it for that 90 seconds, then I get curious about what am I truly upset about, why does it bother so much, am I really mad at the person in front of me or is it something from my past. Validating and looking to understand my tears has been quite the journey.
Thank you for showing up.
I know exactly what you mean by wanting to stay in that spiral. I love the approach you describe to get out of it and get curious 🫶🏼
Crying wasn't acceptable when I was a child and I feel like I'm learning how to feel now at 43. What a ride!
Do you feel like it’s harder to learn this now? I found it so hard to unlearn decades of mastering how to hold it in.
I imagine my dad was also not allowed to cry growing up, so it made him uncomfortable when I did.
I sometimes wonder what kind of father daughter relationship we would have had if big emotions were allowed for him and for me.
Crying is so natural.
Many children learn to suppress it. Either because they're punished for "making a scene" or maybe they get the message that's a weakness to be squashed. In my case I was afraid that if i allowed the sadness I would never get out.
But crying helps release all that energy. To express our sadness, maybe grief about how we wanted things to be. It's a way to release the old so we can free ourselves to change.
I used to think my father was strong because he never cried. Now I know that his determination to never show weakness was the weakness.
It’s so interesting that our relationship with tears has its own transformational journey.